A way-too-detailed look at the Super Bowl halftime show

So maybe Super Bowl XLVIII left a little to be desired on the football field. The Seattle Seahawks dismantled one of the best offenses in history from start to finish in a triumph that will almost certainly be underestimated by many in an age where fans just want to watch a “good game”. Sunday’s big game was a “good game” for all of the non-traditional reasons, and the historic element of just how badly the Seahawks beat the Broncos could ultimately get lost in this constant hunger for a nail-biter. The point is, this Super Bowl was great, it just wasn’t what we’re used to or necessarily what we want when we think of instant classics.

What was an instant classic was what happened at halftime. There were plenty of Bruno Mars doubters out and about on Twitter at the beginning of the night, which only means that not enough people watched the Grammy awards in 2012. Speaking as one who watches the Grammys every year, there was no doubt in my mind that this show was going to be a home run. In a city like New York where the bright lights of Broadway and show business are still as iconic as ever, what Bruno Mars brought to the Super Bowl stage was exactly what the doctor ordered.

And so, in the same non-traditional but still great spirit of Super Bowl XLVIII, here’s Believing Since 1999’s play-by-play recap of perhaps the most memorable 13 minutes of an otherwise “boring” game. Watch/listen by clicking this link, follow along, and enjoy the show.

0:00-00:16
Take notes, Sochi. This is just a Halftime Show and it may be better than your Opening Ceremony later this week. Speaking of the Opening Ceremony, it’s Friday and the Americans will look like this. Anyway…

00:16-00:50
Kids on stage, holding hands, singing about how they’re going to be millionai… Wait, is Travie McCoy somehow a part of this show too? And if so, why? Oh, ok. Good. The kids were a nice way to start things off low so the crescendo could begin. Like, right about…

00:50-1:20
OH MAN. BRUNO’S ON THE DRUMS.

1:20-1:43
It is at this exact point that everyone in the world knew that this would be one of the best Super Bowl halftime shows anyone has seen in a long time. This is also right around the time the Bruno haters start to realize that they’re not as cool as they thought they were for being so publicly against him.

1:43-2:07
There’s his awesome band that is cooler and better than your band. Bruno haters are taking a good, hard look at themselves for a brief moment here because they’ve now fully realized how cool it would be to be one of the guys on stage with Bruno Mars blowing the roof off of MetLife Stadium. This is funny because for the first time in forever, there’s no roof and it’s freezing, but nobody cares.

2:07-3:00
Locked out of Heaven was a good way to start things off.

3:00-4:05
The gold jackets and black pants weren’t just a good choice. They were the only choice.

4:05-4:39
Treasure was an equally fine choice. Bruno Mars’ band was also a fine choice to accompany this performance. If you didn’t notice, they’re wearing gold freaking jackets.

4:39-5:19
There’s nothing quite like that brass in the background. Also, for some reason, brass instruments and sharp, flashy jackets are never a bad combination.

5:19-6:36
Runaway Baby time. There’s nothing that can stop this show at this point. Rockin’ with the best.

6:36-7:06
JAMES BROWN BREAKDOWN. IT KEEPS GETTING COOLER AND MORE FUN.

7:06-7:33
At this point, everyone in America wishes three things:

1. That they had a band like this for their miscellaneous, everyday use in their home or place of business.

2. That they could dance like Bruno Mars. Face it Bruno, haters. The ladies are impressed with this dude right now.

3. That they could say “1! 2! 3!” and have the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS RISE FROM THE GROUND.

7:33-10:10
Now that the Chili Peppers are on stage and shirtless, I just lost a prop bet that they would be wearing shirts because I’m a fool. A pitiful fool. For the record, it doesn’t matter if RHCP didn’t have their instruments plugged in, and Flea gave a perfectly good explanation here. Their inclusion in the show probably wasn’t necessary, but it was fun to watch anyway because Bruno and his band had the crowd practically levitating with the energy they brought from the beginning. It was like Kendrick Lamar and the Imagine Dragons this year at the Grammys. They could have brought out anyone and people would have said, “that’s fine, I’m watching Kendrick anyway.” Bringing out the Red Hot Chili Peppers wasn’t going to hurt anything, and who doesn’t like a little bit of Give it Away every now and again?

10:10-10:57
Time to calm it all down and bring everyone back to earth, where there’s a blowout going on in the NFL’s biggest game of the season. Tributes to the troops never, ever get old. Great move to give them the credit and respect that they deserve from each and every American.

10:57-End
A fitting end to an excellent show as we decrescendo back to zero. Bruno Mars delivered a memorable performance on a huge stage, and there’s not a whole lot more anyone could have asked for. Fan or not, you had to be entertained by one of the most talented entertainers out there today. 

Congratulations to Seattle on the end of its long championship drought. Congratulations to Bruno Mars on a great show.

The long, arduous offseason is officially upon us.

Still, Cleveland feels locked out of heaven. Still, it waits for Lombardi.

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