Sunday, as told by the Billboard Hot 100

There has always been an inseparable bond between popular music and Cleveland sports on this blog. Back when Believing Since 1999 Daily posts were a regular thing, there was usually a soundtrack of the day that typically had nothing to do with what was actually discussed in the daily. Today on Believing Since 1999, that aimless wandering about the world of popular music is all going to come into crystal clear focus.

Today, we’re re-telling the story of this past Sunday with a little help from the Billboard Hot 100. All of the songs mentioned herein will have a purpose and an explanation, and hopefully you will leave thoroughly amused and entertained by the end of it. Sunday sucked, so why not try to have some fun with it? Here goes nothing.

Heading into the regular season version of what is always an epic preseason showdown for a trophy of a giant boat, the Lions were dealing with a banged up Megatron coming off of a 22-9 loss to division rival Green Bay. But hey, we all got bruises (#98 on the Hot 100).

The Browns were feeling pretty good, riding a three game winning streak that had put them on top of the AFC North. Nobody other than everybody was really all that worried about how Brandon Weeden would do, and the general feeling was one of good old-fashioned unfounded Cleveland optimism. The Browns had lifted fans up and shown them what they wanted to see (#11).

What happened was really a little bit of everything. Na na na na. Na na na naaa (#92).

Lions tight end Joseph Fauria scored first, which was the only thing that could have been more shocking than Kris Durham almost eclipsing 100 yards receiving on the day. Fauria won’t be remembered for the three touchdowns he scored on the day, but he will always be remembered for whatever the hell that dance was after the first one. You can guess who probably would have been proud of him. Here’s a hint, she can’t stop. And she woooon’t stoooop (#14).

Brandon Weeden answered the Fightin’ Faurias by leading the Browns on three unanswered scoring drives. Chris Ogbonnaya struck first on a four yard touchdown reception, and then Weeden’s best throw of the day came on a little out route to Greg Little. Tack on a Billy Cundiff field goal that didn’t make the entire city of Cleveland nervous, and the Browns took a 17-7 lead into the half. Nobody could hold them (#37).

Even though the Browns got the ball to start the second half, it quickly became apparent that everything had changed (#40)

Matthew Stafford took over the role of the good quarterback, throwing two touchdowns to give the Lions a 21-17 lead. Yes, one of those touchdowns went to Fauria. No, you’re not alone if you’re still mildly annoyed by that guy’s first half touchdown dance. They used to hold their tongue and hold their breath, scared to rock the boat (the Great Lakes Classic barge, obviously) and make a mess. The saving grace here is that Katy still roars louder than a Lion.

Weeden threw the worst NFL pass ever passed, David Akers hit a 51-yarder, and JOSEPH FAURIA SCORED AGAIN (!?!). There’s no other way to put it, Detroit came in like a… Oh God…  She’s back again. (#3)

Again, Sunday wasn’t fun. It was another one of those games that took hope away as quickly as it had given it. Hopefully, reading this was more entertaining. It was way more fun to put together than it should have been. Next, the Browns head to Green Bay for an even tougher test. They’re still 3-3, and most people didn’t see that coming.

Browns, you make me so mad I ask myself why I’m still here. And where could I go? You’re the only love I’ve ever known. But I hate you, I really hate you, so much I think it must be time for this story to end (#53).

See you at Lambeau.

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