Thoughts on Everything: The Legend of Jeff Wolfert and Ever So Much More

Please don’t hurt him, Ndamukong.

Since my last post about the Indians still being sorta in it, a lot has happened. This includes the Indians taking themselves completely out of it, saying screw it, and releasing all of the old “Vets” (God knows what the actual number is now, but Jose Lopez is the latest casualty). I know everyone really wants to know what has been going on with me, so heres the deal: I’ve been moving back down to Louisville for school and started back with the mens’ soccer team. This has taken most of my time, and if I talked more about my personal happenings you would stop reading starting with the next sentence. One more random note, I’m listening to Reel Big Fish’s new album while writing this, which is pure SKA-punk greatness. Also, the opening ceremonies are on in the background thanks to Lauren (USA, USA, USA!). Now that we’re re-aquainted and up to date on pop culture, let’s blow this popsicle stand with riveting Cleveland sports commentary, live from KEEEEENTUCKY!

Short summary of my thinking about the Indians these days: Yikes.

As for the Cavs: CJ Miles is now on the roster. Furthermore, and this has nothing to do with the Cavs, but David Stern should be ashamed of the league that he leads in which there are now 27 teams that should not even bother playing games. What a joke. End mini-rant. (I could go for DAYS.)

Now, it’s time to ride my pro-Browns slant the rest of the way. As I was frantically Googling illegal sites to watch a grainy feed of the game on, I was excessively excited for the Browns’ first preseason tilt in Detroit and the annual battle for perhaps the largest trophy in the world that means absolutely nothing. For those who aren’t dysfunctional like me and don’t know, every preseason the Browns and Lions meet and the winner gets a colossal trophy of a giant Great Lakes steamship.

Anyway, Brandon Weeden looks stunningly like Derek Anderson in stature, and the #3 is not helping my flashbacks go away any faster. A lost fumble and interception later (Raging Anderson flashbacks now making me stagger and walk funny), they ended because he left the game. It’s hard to judge the guy after a short time in practice and without Trent, so I will save it for week one, and hopefully won’t have to go there at all.

Seneca Wallace put his play where his mouth that once said he wanted a fair shot at the starting job (LOL) is, throwing a late TD that would later set up legendary Browns camp fodder Jeff Wolfert for the game-winning field goal. There’s that Jeff Wolfert shout-out you’ve been aching for since reading the title. Boom.

The defense still seems to struggle with the part where they do what they’ve been doing probably before they even put on football pads, tackle other people. (What little kid doesn’t roughhouse once in a while, am I right?) Again, I’m reserving real judgement and anger for the regular season, but seriously guys.

TJ Ward still hammers the HELL out of people.

Travis Benjamin is blazing fast. I think it is safe to say that that Weeden pass down the sideline to him was the highlight of the game. It got me pumped because I don’t know how many of those throws McCoy made last year, and because Benjamin could develop into a nice little deep threat for Weeden. Hopefully that will occur before Weeden retires (Tick, tock).

As I was watching the rather shoddy play on both sides of the ball, here is a list of all of the comforting disclaimers I could think of in bullet points:

– Trent Richardson wasn’t on the field. For everyone who freaked out when they read Dr. Andrews name associated with him and thought they could be needing a doctor of another kind soon themselves, I was with you. Thankfully, he will be alright and ready for week one. This makes me think that we can only really take what we see this preseason with a grain of salt anyway.

– Mo Hardesty looked much better. We still havn’t seen a good sample of his ability, and maybe he can be a good second option for our backfield.

– Brandon Weeden is only a rookie. Keep thinking Andy Dalton, and don’t think far enough into it to realize all the things he had going for him that Weeds may or may not have. This would kill the optimism.

– Ditto for Josh Gordon. More on Gordon though, lets PRAY that he keeps his head right. Hearing that Shurmur took him out of practice and chewed him out is not a good sign, but he has crazy physical tools and I would hate to see that wasted. Another disclaimer for Gordon is that that was his first game of any kind in over 2 years.

– Phil Taylor wasn’t on the field. As depressing as this is getting just listing all of our cornerstones that were not in on this game, it gives me some sort of twisted hope. Heal fast, Phil. While we’re wishing people well, add in Mo Mass. He can’t catch a break (Or a football, really. Too soon?)

– Rookie DB Trevin Wade looked impressive. I was excited to see him do well and hear Coach Shurmur comment on it as well, because on draft day I was pleasantly surprised that we were able to pick someone with his grade when we did. Look for him to contribute to the secondary somehow this season, and let’s hope it isn’t because we need bodies because of a Haden suspension (Are you SERIOUS Joe? Hopefully it is just a mix-up).

935 words later, I am staying calm and optimistic about this season. After all, this is Believeland right? Now that I’ve gone through this Reel Big Fish album one and a half times in writing this, I will close by saying listen to this album if you want to jam to some classic Ska. Rock on, Cleveland fans.

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